I greatly appreciated Andrew’s sharing last Sunday.  Praise God!  I’m continuing to think through what he shared.  Next Sunday, Gary Hoag will be sharing with us.  Originally we were anticipating that today we’d have Pastor Trino from Ensenada with us.  Obviously he is not here.  He is continuing to recover from his surgery.  Praise God.

What God has given us is a single Sunday between two other Sundays - which is not the kind of Sunday to launch into a long term series.  Since we did three Sundays on marriage it seemed to make sense that since God has given us this single Sunday we should focus on a Godly perspective of being single.

Since they’ve been keeping records - since back in 1890 when they first started keep track of this - the average age that people are for the first time getting married is the highest its ever been - and getting higher.  28.7 years old for men.  26.5 for women. 

The reasons for that are varied.  More and more people are delaying marriage - living together - pursuing a career - paying off debts - delaying having children - or many they’re just soured on marriage - or uncertain about marriage.  And then there are those who would like to be married but are not.  And then - different reason for being single - there're many who were married - but due to death or divorce they find themselves  single again.

The people who study these things tell us that there are about 100 million single Americans age 18 an older.  Which is about 44% of the population.  We all know someone who’s single.  Yes?  Maybe you’re single - either previously married or never been married.  What does God say about that?

There are issues which confront singles and widows and widowers today - as they’re pursuing Godliness - issues in today’s promiscuous culture - issues dealing with the expectations and stigmatizations of others.  There are questions.  “Has God really called me to this and why?  What about my expectations - my desires and dreams?”  

Several years ago - when I was not married - I had this tremendous desire to eat steak and I really didn’t care what the cost would be or the damage to my system.  I was going to treat myself to a great steak dinner.

Do you know the kind of dinner I’m talking about?  Steak about this thick and juicy - a baked potato with butter and sour cream and chives and bacon and cheese on top - some vegetables on the side - sour dough French bread with gobs of butter.  Artery stopping stuff.

I left work in search of a steak house - a manly man’s steak and potatos type of place.  I drove for several miles passing several restaurants which didn’t look quite right for my gourmet heart stopping experience.  Finally, I found just right place.  A great restaurant - valet parking - attendants wearing red jackets - dark wood on the walls - people all dressed up,  This place had atmosphere.

With great anticipation I went in - passed by all the people that were waiting for a table - in the entrance area - and gave my name to the host.  Immediately I began to feel uncomfortable.  Those words, “How many in your party?”  “One.”  Suddenly I realized that everyone else had a date - or they were with a group.  They were with someone and I wasn’t.  It seemed like everyone was staring at me without really looking at me.

For 30 minutes I had the privilege of waiting in that examination room.  Finally, my time was up.  With the words - loudly announced:  “Steve, party of one.”  Heads turned to stare as I was released from purgatory - and ushered back through the restaurant to my table.

The dining room was packed with people.  Every table had at least 2 people - most 4 to 6.  In the very center of the room was 1 table with no one sitting at it - my table.  When the host finally finished leading me in this circuitous route past seemingly every group in the room - each of which took notice that I was alone - as I finally stood there next to my table the busboy - very noticeably - very slowly and deliberately - removed the three other place settings.

When I sat down, and finally dared to look up, I realized that sitting next to me was a party of at least 15 people - all at one table.  The only opening at their table - the only empty spot where no one was sitting - was at the end of their table facing me.  So all of them could look directly at me sitting there by myself.  And they were.   

This is really a difficult subject - one that we want to approach with great sensitivity.  Let’s be honest - way too often as congregations and families we’re not helpful.  We who are married often look at those who are single as needing to get married - like there’s something wrong that needs to be fixed.  And we’re just the people to help them fix it.  Way too often we have in our minds, our version - not God’s teaching - about being single.

As a congregation we need to try to understand these concerns - not to point fingers or make assumptions or to categorize people - but to be sensitive and supportive of one another - to encourage each other towards godliness.

Please turn or swipe with me to 1 Corinthians 7 - starting at verse 6.  As you are going there let me set these verses in context for us. 

Chapter 7 begins the section of Paul’s letter to the Corinthian Church where he begins to respond to some specific questions that had been sent to him by the church - Paul responding to specific issues that the Corinthian Church was dealing with.

In chapter 7:1-5 Paul has been responding to their questions about marriage - and especially sexual intimacy in marriage.  How does a married couple live out God’s kind of sacrificial love and mutual submission - things that we talked about when we looked at marriage - and what does all that look like when it comes to the huge gift of sexuality that God has reserved exclusively for marriage? 

Then in verse 6 - with that teaching about marriage in mind - in verse 6 Paul shifts gears with a brief window of explanation for those who are single - either because they’ve never been married or those how have found themselves single because of either divorce or the death of a spouse.

1 Corinthians 7:6:  Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.  I wish that all were as I myself am.  But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.  To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.  But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.  For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Aren’t those great verses?  Let’s unpack these together.

Paul writes, “I wish that all were as I myself am.”  Question:  What does Paul mean by “as I myself am”?

The blaring answer to that comes in verse 8.  Paul is... “single.”  Say that with me, “Paul is single.”

We need to grab on to what that means because in all probability Paul was not always single.  There’s a huge probability that Paul had been married earlier in his life.

Follow me on this.  Betrothal and marriage was the norm for a young Jewish man.  There was an expectation that a young Jewish man would marry a young Jewish girl and they would have little Mordecai’s and Jacobs - and maybe a Sarah - and propagate the family line, the nation, and  the faith:  “Be fruitful and multiply.”

Customarily rabbis - which Paul was - rabbis for the most part - were expected to be married.  We know - from the book of Acts - that Paul - before his conversion - Paul was probably a member of the Sanhedrin - the Jewish high court in Jerusalem.  That ruling body required that its members be married.

So before Paul is writing here to the Corinthians - Paul was probably either widowed - as some have suggested - or when Paul came to Christ it is highly possible that his wife - as a devout Jew - his wife could have divorced him.

Which is hugely helpful to keep in mind.  Paul isn’t writing about marriage and being single as some kind of great philosopher or a dispassionate theological observer.  He’s not emotionally detached and spitting out religious platitudes.  He’s not some crusty old bachelor who’s against marriage.  Paul is writing about marriage and family and singleness and human sexuality from his experience as a married man and also as single man.

In verse 6 Paul writes that what he’s about say is not a what?  Not a “command.” Its a what?  A “concession.”  “Now as a concession, not a command.”  Those words are carefully chosen.

A command is something that compels obedience.  “You must do this.”

“Concession” in the original Greek is a word that’s actually two words put together.  “Soun” - meaning together with.  And “Ginosko” - meaning to know something because you’ve experienced it.

In other words, Paul is telling the Corinthians that what he’s about to say is because he, like them, has experienced what they’re experiencing - and so even though Paul is an Apostle writing with Apostolic authority - rightly able to communicate truth that must be obeyed - he’s also a man writing with deep understanding of where the Corinthians are coming from.

Its been said that experiencing divorce is worse than experiencing the death of a spouse.  There’s some truth to that.  Yes?  Death has a closure that divorce doesn’t.  Divorce is like ongoing death.

What would that be like - to come to Christ and to be totally rejected by your nation - your family - your spouse - not because of anything you justly deserved - and carrying with you the ongoing pain of all that without the finality - the resolution - of death.  On the other hand if Paul is widowed - the emptiness of loosing one’s spouse is brutal.  However Paul arrived at being single the path was - is - deeply painful.

What does Paul mean by “as I am”?  Single.  Yes.  And also hugely sympathetic.

Something else we need to notice.  Paul is also Content.  Say that with me.  “Paul is content.”

In verse 7 Paul writes - keeping in mind this idea of “as I am” - keeping that in mind Paul’s sympathetic understanding of where they Corinthians are coming from - in verse 7 Paul writes that whether single or married - “each - state - married or single - each has his own gift from God.”

How many people do you know who would say that the death of their spouse is a gift from God?  Or that their divorce was a gift from God.  Maybe some people would.  But probably they had some really nasty issues going on in their marriage.  But in a loving marital relationship divorce or death is not something that someone would look at as a gift from God.  “Oh, thank God my spouse is taking me to the cleaners in our settlement.”  “Praise God my wife died.  I’m alone now.”

The word “gift” in the original Greek is “charisma” - meaning what?  Grace.  “Each has its own grace from God.”  That’s even harder to process.  Isn’t it?

Think with me.  How is it God’s grace that Joseph is so hated by his brothers that they totally reject him - want to kill him - but get talked into selling him as a slave instead.  How is it God’s grace that Joseph - who’s trying to live godly - meaning he doesn’t justly deserve what happens to him - Joseph’s reputation gets totally trashed - he’s accused of trying to rape the boss’ wife - he gets tossed into prison - forgotten.  How is that God’s grace?

Did you wonder if Joseph - who - by the way - was single at the time - do you wonder if Joseph ever asked, “Has God really called me to this and why?  What about my expectations - my desires and all those dreams?”

But in all that God graciously establishes and preserved Israel - His graciously chosen people - through whom comes our Messiah. 

How is it God’s grace that Jesus - God’s only begotten Son - Whom God loves deeply - is exceedingly proud of - how is it God’s grace that His Son Jesus has His reputation trashed - is demeaned - is rejected by His people - people He deeply loves?  How is it God’s grace that Jesus is brutalized - spat on - beaten - abused - crucified without justly deserving any of it?

But through all that God graciously provides the means of our redemption - restoration - our eternal relationship with Him.

Hold on to this:  We miss the depths of God’s grace when we insist on grace being defined on our terms and not God’s.

Paul is content with his state - not because he “gets it” on his - Paul’s - terms - understands all of what God is doing.  He’s content not because it wasn’t painful getting there.  Paul is content because Paul knows that behind his state of singleness is the God who is gracious.

Single or married - however we’ve arrived here - each state is a gift of God - because God graciously gives purpose to both.  We need to trust God with our lives - our state - to be content - in whatever state we’re in - if we’re going to live within God’s purpose for our lives.

Paul is single - he understands the depths of what that means - and Paul is content - trusting God - and his desire is that we also would be as he is.

Which brings us to the next part of what Paul writes that we want to unpack this morning - which is The Importance of Self-Control.  Let’s repeat that together, “The importance of self-control.”

Look with me again at verse 8:  To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.  But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.  For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Anyone remember the title of Tina Turner’s number 1 hit song from 1984?  “What’s love got to do with it?”  Remember the words?

The touch of your hand makes my pulse react.

It's physical.  Try to ignore that it means more than that.

What’s love got to do with it.  What’s love but a second hand emotion.
What’s love but a sweet old fashioned notion.

Here in verses 8 and 9 Paul seems to be saying that marriage is all about... sex.  Either we burn up - poof - self-immolate trying to control our passions or we get married.  Sex is the motivation for marriage.

Which is what goes on in our culture.  Men play at relationships to get sex.  Women play at sex to get relationships.  What’s love got to do with it?

How many Christian singles - you don’t need to raise your hands - how many Christian singles - divorced - widowed - never married - because of urges they feel - maybe because they’re getting up there in years - or they’re just feeling lonely - needing companionship - are willing to set aside what they know to be God’s teaching and plan for purity and the sanctity of sexual expression in marriage - to set that aside for their own desires and seeming needs of a relationship?  Answer:  Way too many.

Many of us would be amazingly wealthy if we got money every time someone said to us, “I know its wrong.  But what am I suppose to do?” 

You don’t need to raise your hands.  How many of you have ever felt that way?  What Paul is touching on is hard.  Isn’t it?

Is single and sympathetic Paul really saying, “Don’t burn - just get married”?

No.  Not if his teaching in chapter 7 is about sexuality being wrapped up in God’s kind of sacrificial love and mutual submission in the sanctity of monogamous marriage.

And “no” - because the reality is that if we shack up with someone because of sex or we’re getting married because of sex then ultimately the bottom line of the relationship is sex - that’s focused on us and what we get out of it.  Which ultimately is a recipe for disaster as way too many singles who’ve said - quote - “I know its wrong but what am I going to do?” - they find out the hard way.   

Reality check:  Turner’s song title “What’s love got to do with it” became the title of the movie about her life - how she rose to stardom with her abusive husband Ike Turner.  Tons of pain in that.

God is the designer of sex and love and marriage and singleness.  God sets boundaries - puts up fences - not because God desires for us to live a miserable life - but because God - who is gracious - God knows the awesomeness of staying on the path that He’s graciously designed - and He knows where the cliffs are that people fall off of with horrible consequences.

Hold onto this:  Paul’s point is more about self-control than sex.  In other words - if we exercised self-control we wouldn’t be burning up with passion.  And grab on to this:  Self-control is what keeps us on the path.  Keeps us away from edge of the cliff.

The importance of self-control is that God has so much more for us - single or married - so much more for us rather than burn and crash - epic fail.

Swipe with me over to chapter 9 - verse 24 - Paul is in a teaching about the priorities we need to have to be successful as Christians - to stay on the path - to avoid the cliffs.  In verse 24 he uses athletes as an example of what it means to exercise self-control.

Verse 24:  Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize?  So run that you may obtain it.  Every athlete exercises self-control - there’s that word again - every athlete exercises self-control in all things - notice - not some things but... all things.  They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

Verse 26:  So - in order to win - I do not run aimlessly - I’m focused - disciplined - I keep my eye on the finish line - I do not box as one beating the air - I’m working at landing punches - But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

We need to grab the crucial personal importance of that.

The name, Corinth, means ornament.  Like an ornament the city of Corinth was affluent with all kinds of outward glitter glamour but phony and cheap below the surface.  The Greek verb “korinthiazomai” meant “To live like a Corinthian.”  It was synonymous with living a life of sexual immorality and drunkenness.  Corinth had the reputation of being the most corrupt and effeminate city in Greece.

What would it be like trying to live Godly in a culture that was deeply immoral?

At the time Paul is writing - about 57 AD - there were political winds blowing.  You could see what was coming.  There was a political crisis brewing that about 12 years later came to a head and resulted in the Romans capturing Jerusalem and desecrating and destroying the Temple and sending the Jews into exile all over the known world.

What would it be like trying to live Godly knowing that for your nation there’s a train wreck coming?

Some scholars speculate that Paul may have put all that together and been thinking about the return of Jesus - the great tribulation and the end times.

Which is what he may be thinking about.  If we head farther down through chapter 7 - down in verse 26 - Paul writes about “the present distress” and in verse 29 - “the appointed time has grown very short” - and down in verse 31 Paul writes, “The present form of this world is passing away.”

Which is nothing new.  We can look back through Church history - and even today as we think about the world situation - Christians over the years, like many today have said, “These must be the last days before Jesus returns.”

There’s a sense that - culturally and politically - maybe financially - we’re all living on the Titanic.  We can see the ice berg coming and there’s nothing left to do but sing “Nearer My God to Thee.”

Each competitor at the London Olympics receives 15 free condoms from the official supplier of condoms to the Olympics, Durex.  That’s 150,000 condoms.  50,000 more than Beijing.  U.S. Women's soccer goalie Hope Solo told the Daily Mirror: “There's a lot of sex going on at the Olympics.”

That - along with the alcohol and partying and other things - is not self-control.  There are athletes who miss their events simply because they’re too wiped out - too hung over - from partying.

Self-control means that - whatever the circumstances - whatever the temptation to settle for less - every part of us is committed to victory.

Self-control means choosing to stay on the path - removing whatever hinders us - tempts us - avoiding people - excluding places - confessing and repenting - turning from habits and customs and behaviors - intentional change from what keeps us back from being who God has created us to be.

Self-control is doing whatever it takes - whatever discipline - strengthening what needs to be strengthened - training - developing - practicing - intentionally putting effort into whatever moves us towards being who God has created us to be.  Being intentional about pursuing the imperishable crown of victory that God promises to us who live in the victory of His Son.

Look with me at chapter 7 starting at verse 25.  Interwoven with Paul’s concern for where the culture is going - the train wreck up ahead and the moral garbage of the present - Paul makes some pretty intense statements about being single and being married.

Look with me at verse 25:  Now concerning the betrothed - those engaged to be married - I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment - my sympathetic opinion - as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy - or one who is faithfully living with self-control.  I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

If you’re engaged don’t get married.  That’s intense.  Isn’t it?

Verse 27:  Are you bound to a wife?  Do not seek to be free.  Are you free from a wife?  Do not seek a wife.  But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned.  Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Its no sin to get married.  But you’re better off single.

Verse 29:  This is what I mean, brothers:  the appointed time has grown very short.  From now on, let those who have wives live as though they have none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning...

If you’re married stop focusing on your wife.  If you’re mourning - a widow or a widower - stop mourning.  Why?  Because you haven’t got much time left.  Intense.  Yes?

Paul’s bottom line comes in verse 35:  I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Paul isn’t teaching us to neglect our wives or not fulfill our responsibilities to our children or that marriage is to be avoided at all costs.  Its not that at all.  What he is saying is that we are to keep things in proper focus - especially given the sex-driven - self-serving - headed for an iceberg - train wreck coming - society we’re living in.

Single or married - the bottom line is our undivided devotion to the Lord.

Do whatever it takes.  Do you hear self-control in that?  Do whatever it takes even if it means extremes that run counter culture - are easily misunderstood - which seem harsh - draconian - and really push us out of our comfort zone.  Far more important that whether you’re single or married is your undivided - not distracted - not compromised - devotion to Jesus.

We can easily feel lonely.  We all do.  We all ask the questions, “Has God really called me to this and why?  What about my expectations - my desires and dreams?”  We all face the temptation to compromise to get our needs met.  We all struggle with focusing on ourselves with some pretty lousy attitudes.

There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone.  Would you agree with that?  There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone.

Grab this:  We can feel lonely.  But, with God we’re never alone - regardless of the circumstances or the temptations.

Being single doesn’t mean that we need to be fixed.  Singles are not just people waiting to get married who need a “yenta” - or a computer dating service - or all of us - to solve their problems so that they can suddenly become useful in life.

Widows and widowers are not just the person leftover who’s waiting for God to call them home.  Divorcees are not damaged goods with no possible godly purpose in life. 

Self-control is more about what God has for us than about what we’re willing to settle for.  When we feel lonely - tempted to settle for something less than what God has for us - we need to come back what Paul writes about grace and self-control.  Behind self-control and our emotional and physical needs - is God’s grace.  God’s purpose for our lives.  The victory that God has for each one of us - regardless of what state we’re in.

Three brief thoughts of application.

First:  Give all that you are.  Surrender every desire - every thought - every ability - every personality trait - your will, mind, body, and soul - whatever makes you you - surrender it to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and allow Him to use them as He sees fit.

Second:  Give all that you desire.  Be willing to surrender that supreme desire - be it for marriage - a career objective - or a lifestyle - surrender it to God to dispose of or reclaim wholly according to His will.  Make knowing God and the doing of His will your supreme desire.

Third:  Give all that you do.  Take the talents, abilities, and skills God has bestowed upon you and use them for God’s glory alone.  Do what God gives you to do and keep doing it - honoring Him and giving Him the glory and praise - for as long as He calls you and enables you to do it.

If we will - by the grace and transforming power of God - if we will be faithful to do these things - circumstances and temptations - it doesn’t matter if we’re married - or never been married - divorced - a widow or widower - we will find ourselves undistractedly devoted to God and reaping the benefits - the victory - of a whole - complete - satisfying - purpose-filled life in Jesus Christ.

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Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®  (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.  Used by permission.  All rights reserved.