This morning we’re considering being single - being unmarried either because a person has never been married - or because of the death of a spouse. I want to begin by saying that this really is a difficult subject - one that we want to approach with great sensitivity. I have concern that what I’m about share may not, in some ways, be adequate. So, I want ask for your patience and grace this morning.

There are issues which confront singles and widows and widowers today - living as a godly person in today’s promiscuous culture - dealing with the expectations and stigmatizations of others. Questions - has God really called me to this and why? What about my expectations - my desires and dreams?

These and other concerns run deep in people’s hearts. As a congregation we need to try to understand these concerns - not to point fingers or make assumptions or to categorize people - but to be sensitive and supportive of one another - to encourage each other towards godliness.

Please turn with me to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. There are two truths about being single that the Apostle Paul writes about here in 1 Corinthians 7 that I’d like to share this morning.

Several years ago, when I was single, I had this tremendous desire to eat steak and I really didn't care what the cost would be. I was going to treat myself to a great dinner. Do you know the kind of dinner I’m talking about? Steak about this thick and juicy - a baked potato with butter and sour cream and chives on top - some vegetables on the side - sour dough French bread. Artery stopping stuff.

I left work in search of a steak house - a man’s steak and potatos type of place. I drove for several miles passing several restaurants which didn't look quite right for my gourmet experience. Finally, I found just right place. A great restaurant - valet parking - attendants wearing red jackets - dark wood on the walls - people all dressed up, This place had atmosphere.

With great anticipation I went in - passed by all the people that were waiting for a table - in the entrance area - and gave my name to the host. Immediately I began to feel uncomfortable. Those words, "How many in your party?" "One." Suddenly I realized that everyone else had a date - or they were with a group. They were with someone and I wasn't. It seemed like everyone was staring at me without really looking at me.

For 30 minutes I had the privilege of waiting in that examination room. Finally, my time was up. With the words, “Steve, party of one” - I was released from purgatory - and ushered back through the restaurant to my table.

The dining room was packed with people. Every table had at least 2 people - most 4 to 6. In the very center of the room was 1 table with no one sitting at it - my table. When the host finally finished leading me in this circuitous route past seemingly every group in the room, as I finally stood there next to my table the busboy - very noticeably - removed the three other place settings.

When I sat down, and finally dared to look up, I realized that sitting next to me was a party of at least 15 people - all at one table. The only opening at their table - the only empty spot where no one was sitting - was at the end of their table facing me. So all of them could look directly at me sitting there by myself. And they were.

The first truth we want to emphasize is that being single is not a disease. Try that with me, “Being single is not a disease.”

1 Corinthians 7:7 - Paul writing: “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. How is Paul? Single. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. In other words - some are married. And that’s a good thing. Some are single. And that’s a good thing. Each state is a gift from God. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.” They don’t have to remain single. But, being single is a good thing.

Do you remember back in elementary school? That may be a stretch. But try. Two kids stood up on front of everyone else and - one by one - began picking people for their team. Slowly the crowd began to get smaller and smaller until the crowd became a group and the group became a few.

If you were like most of us, you watched nervously as the group dwindled. Inside we’re shouting, "Please pick me. I don’t want to be the last person picked. The guy who’s on the team because no one else wants him." Even being the last chosen person maintained a faint hint of self-respect.

Finally, the dreaded moment where we’re standing there with another unathletic-looking person. The choice is made. The other person heaves a huge sigh of relief. While we slunk over to the team that had to take us. We’re the death blow to the team - the leftover.

A bachelor was talking to his friend. He said, “I visited a girl last night and as soon as I stepped inside the door her mother started asking question about my intentions.”

The friend said, “That must have been embarrassing.”

“Well, yeh it was. But the worst part was when the girl called down from upstairs and said, ‘He’s not the one.’”

There are times when being single can feel like a disease - like something has gone terribly wrong. Especially as the years add up - singles are the leftovers that no one wanted. People who couldn’t get someone. People upon whom God has played a cruel trick. We need to be sensitive to this.

Often, we who are married help to reinforce these feelings.

There’s an expected order of progression. First, get a good education. Second, get a good job. Third, get married. Fourth, have kids. If all of that doesn't happen in the time frame that everyone else thinks it should then the little innuendos start. "When are you going to settle down?" Or my favorite, "When are you going to make us grandparents!"

That hurts.

Being single doesn’t mean being half a cookie - an Oreo cookie - one half useless without the cream and the other half. Ultimate fulfillment does not have to come through marriage. Singles are not just people waiting to get married who need a "yenta" - or a computer dating service - or all of us - to solve their problems so that they can suddenly become useful in life. We need to be more sensitive to this.

What about widows and widowers? One of the saddest things I hear is when someone who has lost their spouse will tell me that they feel their life has no purpose. They’re just the person leftover waiting for God to call them home.

Did you notice - here in verse 8 - that Paul specifically mentions widows and by implication widowers. After living a life of fidelity and honor in the commitment of marriage - being a widow or a widower does not mean that you’re a leftover. Its understandable that the aloneness hurts. But, usefulness in life is not tied to our marital status.

In the midst of an American society where love is selfish - focused on what we gain not on what we can give - youthfulness is exalted. Seniors are abandoned and warehoused in “homes.” Seniors are seen as those who have outlived their usefulness. The Church of Euthanasia - advocating death for those who’ve outlived their usefulness - has a motto: “Save the Planet - Kill Yourself.” (1) Have you seen that?

Those who live touched by God’s love live differently. Praise God. In 1 Timothy 5 - when Paul writes about widowhood - he describes those who are pursuing Godliness - deep in the study of God’s word - discipling others - aware and concerned for the needs of the congregation - a confidant and encourager of the young - someone devoted to ministry. - devoted to prayer. A person who’s in tight with God and an example to others.

The goal of a godly widow is not to live in an expensive house - drive around in expensive cars - playing bridge with the ladies - taking trips and cruising the Caribbean - focused on him or herself. Widowhood focused on God is a great opportunity - with great purpose and usefulness.

We as the Body of Christ need you to do this for us. And, we as the Body of Christ need to learn how to honor - care for - uphold - respect - love - listen to - value - and encourage you to see the uniqueness of who you are - that God will have the freedom to use you as He wills.

Paul says, being single - unmarried - a widow or a widower - being single is really a good thing. Despite what others may say - I hope every person here hears what God has to say - being single is a good thing. You're Okay! In fact, Paul encourages you to give gratitude to God for the state you’re in.

The second truth we’d like to emphasize is that being single is a gift. Try that with me, “Being single is a gift.”

It may not always seem like it. But, its a gift. And, God gives good gifts. Because He knows our hearts - our abilities - our needs. His gifts are always exactly what we need - even though we may not realize it at the time.

1 Corinthians 7 - starting at verse 32: “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

When we get married - its estimated - by those who estimate these things - that we give up one half of the personal time we had when we were single. We have only one half the time we previously had to individually serve God. For each child we give up another quarter of our time. If we’re married and have a child we’re left with only one quarter of our previous individual service time for God. Married with two children and we have no time. Married with three children and God owes us time.

Paul's point is that our marital status effects our ability to serve God. Bottom line: being single gives a person great flexibility in how they live their life - how they’re able to serve God - how they’re able to discover and live in His purpose for their life - His purpose for their life through which God desires to give them great satisfaction and fulfillment and bring glory to Himself.

Let me suggest three areas where this gift - this flexibility - really is a great blessing.

First - Time: Your time is your own. Single people have great flexibility in how they use their time. They can do laundry at 3:00 in the morning. Which - if you live in an apartment - really bugs the neighbors. Singles can go grocery shopping when they want to - stay out as late as they want - go to movies - take classes - devote time to self-improvement. Single people can lavish time on themselves and their relationship with God.

Second - Accountability: Single people answer only to themselves and God. They don't have to check-in at home or be concerned about how their actions will affect their spouse or kids. They can travel anywhere - anytime - just pick up and go. They don't have to carry a million toys and kids paraphernalia with them. Think about why our church parking lot looks like a mini-van convention. We need the van to haul the stuff.

Third - Money: Singles have greater flexibility in money management. They can accumulate and save money faster. They never have to ask anyone else before spending money. They can buy a two seater sports car - scuba gear - a plasma TV - whatever suits their fancy and use it just for themselves.

Being single provides you with special opportunities to discover your purpose in Christ. Being single is not just a waiting period in which you wait for life to begin. It can and should be a time to serve the Lord fully in the purpose He has created just for you.

Think about the single people who’ve had a great impact for the Kingdom of God. Maybe each of us could add to this list. But, consider these people: Corrie Ten Boom, Bill Gothard, Mother Teresa, the Apostle Paul - Jesus Himself.

Can you imagine Mary following Jesus around Judea, “Jesus, when are you going to make me a grandparent?” How out of place is that?

These are not leftover purposeless people. These - and many others - are people of tremendous value in the Kingdom of God.

Paul says, see your singleness as a gift. Use your singleness for God's purposes. Find fulfillment in serving Him.

Church - we need to be sensitive to this - as we would with anyone in the Body of Christ. Are we encouraging our singles - and those who are widows and widowers - are we encouraging them to be all that God has called them to be without stigmatization or innuendo?

Three thoughts of application - finding fulfillment in God's purpose for your life. These apply to all of us.

First: Give all that you are. Surrender every desire - every thought - every ability - every personality trait - your will, mind, body, and soul - whatever makes you you - surrender it to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and allow Him to use them as He sees fit.

Second: Give all that you desire. Be willing to surrender that supreme desire - be it for marriage - a career objective - or a lifestyle - surrender it to God to dispose of or reclaim wholly according to His will. Make knowing God and the doing of His will your supreme desire.

Third: Give all that you do. Take the talents, abilities, and skills God has bestowed upon you and use them for God’s glory alone. Do what God gives you to do and keep doing it - honoring Him and giving Him the glory and praise - for as long as He calls you and enables you to do it.

If we will - by the grace and transforming power of God - if we will be faithful to do these things - it doesn’t matter if we’re married - or single - a widow or widower - we will find ourselves undistractedly devoted to God and reaping the benefits of a whole - complete - satisfying - purpose-filled life in Jesus Christ.