Please turn with me to Ephesians 6 - starting at verse 1. 

James Dobson writes about a sixth-grade teacher in an upper middle-class California city - a sixth-grade teacher who asked her students to complete a sentence that began with the words “I wish.”  The teacher expected her students to write things like, “I wish I had a bicycle.”  Or, “I wish I had a dog.”  Instead 20 of the 30 children made references in their responses to their own disintegrating families.  Listen to some of these responses:

“I wish my parents wouldn’t fight and I wish my father would come back.”

“I wish my mother didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“I wish I could get straight A’s so my father would love me.”

“I wish I had one mom and one dad...I have three moms and three dads and they botch up my life.”

“I wish I had an M-1 rifle so I could shoot those who make fun of me.” (1)

There’s a huge seriousness to what we are looking at this morning - relating to the children.  The upcoming generations are in serious trouble - spiritually - mentally - physically.  How we respond as parents - as a congregation - as children - is crucial.   

Paul in Ephesians 6:1-4 focuses on the crucial interrelationship between parents and children and children and parents.  It’s a two-way street.  How children relate to parents is crucial.  How parents relate to children is crucial.   

Ephesians 6:1:  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right 

Paul begins with children.  The Greek word for children includes everyone from little tikers up through young adults - y’adults - teenagers plus.  I know that’s not easy - being a y’adult and being called a child.  But, that’s Paul’s word not mine.  So get over it.  Whatever the word, Paul is talking to y’adults and younger.

He writes that children are to obey their parents.  The word Paul uses - in Greek - for obey - has the idea of placing ourselves under the authority of what we hear.  Children are suppose to actually listen to their parents.  And then try to understand what it is that their parents expect of them - even when parents don’t always come across as clear on the subject - and then in submission to their parent’s authority - children actually do what their parents ask them to do. 

Isaac obeyed Abraham - carried the wood - got on the altar - was willing even to be sacrificed.  That’s a stretch in thinking about obedience.  But that’s the reality of what Paul’s writing about.

Now, be careful.  The reality is that most of us did not grow up in a “Leave It To Beaver” kind of home.  Do you remember the Cleavers?  June always mending or baking - always dressed so nice with perfect hair.  Ward - the understanding strong father figure - even tempered - offering pearls of great wisdom.  Having a brother like Wally - athletic - a good student - a sharp dresser.  The Beave - always into a little mischief.  Grounded maybe.  But never really clobbered by Dad.

A lot of people don’t grow up that way - some even here.  There are a tremendous number of parents out there - parents in the biological sense - parents who are negligent - abusive - and self-focused - who are causing serious damage to children.  That’s not who Paul is writing about.

Paul is writing about parents “in the Lord.”  Paul is writing about parents who are striving to be obedient to God - to live life God’s way and to parent God’s way.  Knowing they’re accountable to God - parents who are raising their children up according to God’s commands.  Raising their children to love God and serve Him with their lives - to be who God has created them to be.  If you’ve got Godly parents like that you ought to be thanking God every day of your life.

Remember the story of the boy whose mother wanted him to sit down but he wouldn’t sit down?  Finally she took hold of him and sat him down in the chair.  He looked up at her with defiance in his eyes, and said, “You may make me sit down outside, but I’m still standing up inside.”

When Paul is writing about obedience he’s writing about our heart attitude.  Parents are the one’s who’ve given birth to us - changed our diapers - raised us - put food in front of us - been extremely patient with us - done an amazing amount of sacrificial things for us that we have no clue about.   

If you’ve got Godly parents who are pouring out His love - and theirs - on you - that love needs to be responded to with obedience.  That may not always be easy.  There are times when we may wonder if our parents have lost it completely - checked out of reality - have no understanding of where we live our lives - and are being totally unfair and unjust.  It may mean accepting their instruction even though we don’t completely understand what they’re saying.  It may not be easy.  But we still need to obey.

Then notice that Paul writes, “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

That word “right” is the Greek word “dikaios” - same word we get righteousness from.  If you want to be Godly man or woman - living righteously - rightly before God - then start by obeying your parents in the Lord.

When you’re living right - obeying your parents - its freeing - strengthening - empowering.  It just feels good to be doing the right thing.  Living right is whole lot different than sneaking around doing stuff you know you don’t want your parents to find out about.  There’s no guilt.  No fear.  No anxiety.  No question about consequences for doing stupid stuff.  The best part is that you know that God approves of what your doing.

Verse 2:  Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).  So that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

Obeying our parents - gets God’s approval - is the right thing to do - for two reasons.  First:  Its a commandment.  Say that with me, “Its a commandment.”  God commands it.  Old Testament - Ten Commandments - number 5 - to “Honor your father and your mother” is obeying God.

The word that Paul uses for honor - “timao” - has the idea of extreme value - being priceless.  Parents are to be treated as priceless.  In the Ten Commandments the Hebrew word for “honor” is “kabed.”  It’s a little stronger than priceless - but the same idea.

Imagine the kind of respect a new recruit has - just off the bus and in boot camp - imagine the respect that young boy has for his drill sergeant.  Especially if that sergeant - the holder his life and death - if that sergeant is about 1 inch off his face - nose to nose - eyeball to eyeball - and barking at him at the top of his lungs.  How many of you have been there?

“Kabed” is the place of authority over our lives that we give to others.  “Kabed” means to lift up our parents.  To value their authority over our lives as priceless.  To give them a unique place of respect and dignity and influence over our lives.

There are a number of examples of this in Scripture.

Proverbs 20:20 and 30:11 tells us to honor our parents means that we speak well of them.  We lift up their character and reputation before others.  We bless them instead of cursing them.

Proverbs 19:26 says that honoring our parents means that we don’t physically abuse or reject our parents.

Proverbs 15:5 calls us to listen to our parents and respect their discipline and guidance and wisdom. 

Proverbs 15:20 encourages us to do things that make our parents glad by not rebelling against their authority.

Why obey our parents?  First, because God commands us to.  Second, because the commandment comes with a promise.  Say this with me, “It comes with a promise.”  Two parts to the promise - first - “you will live well” and second “you will live long.”

Be careful.  Paul has not turned Vulcan.  Live long and what?  Prosper.  The point isn’t that - if we obey our parents then we’re going to be ancient and rich and have tons of creature comforts around us.  Think about that.  Is that what Jesus meant when He said, “Seek first God’s kingdom and then all the other things you need in life will be added on” ?  Seek God and get rich.

To live well means that we live with God for the full length of our lives.  Have you heard this acrostic?:  To OBEY means Obedience Blesses and Enriches You.  Wellness isn’t physical stuff - it’s the stuff of the heart - which is far more valuable.  All that emptiness within - the loneliness getting filled - by God.  The questions and uncertainties getting answered - by God.  Its living through our days with a testimony of life that glorifies God so that when we get to heaven those there will greet us with high fives and Jesus will say, “Well done.  You did good.  You were faithful.  You served well.  Enter in.”  

Paul begins with the crucial relationship of children to parents.  Obedience that comes from heart responding to the love of Godly parents.  Obedience that - as we obey God - we get blessed by God.

In verse 4 - Paul moves to fathers.  Verse 4:  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

When Paul writes to fathers he could be thinking about both parents - mothers and fathers.  Its a patriarchal society.  Its understood that fathers are the head of the home.  He represents his wife as well as himself.  So Paul could be writing to both fathers and mothers about the crucial relationship of parents to children.

But, Paul didn’t use the word for “parents.”  He could have.  I think there’s a real significant reason for this.  Yes, he’s writing to parents - mother and father - but the reality is that the greater responsibility for parenting - especially as the children get older - the greater weight of that crucial relationship falls on fathers.  Parents yes.  But, fathers especially need to sit up and pay attention to this.  

There’s an often quoted statistic.  Maybe you’ve heard this.  When a mother comes to faith in Jesus, the rest of her family follows 17% of the time.  When a father comes to faith in Jesus, the rest of the family follows 93% of the time. (2)  Its a reality - generally speaking - as father goes so goes the family.

Fathers don’t provoke your children to anger.  The word here for anger is “parorgizzo.”  It means to exasperate - to lose heart.  Children just give up trying to obey.  They grow to resent their parents authority - get angry at them.  Ultimately they get angry at God - rejecting their parents and rejecting their parent’s God.

Instead, Paul writes, “Bring them up.”  The word means to nourish them - to grow them up - in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Discipline means training - instruction - boundaries.  Showing children where the limits are and helping them to understand why those limits are there.

Instruction is correction - counsel - advice - encouragement.  What we say to our children.

Ray Stedman shared about a visit he made to a Christian father and his three-year-old daughter.  The little girl was watching TV.  She’d turned on a murder mystery.  The father saw what she was watching and felt that it was improper for his child.  So he stood at the TV and said to her, “Now dear, you don’t want to watch this, do you?”

She nodded here head, “Sure!” 

He said, “But I don’t think this is good for you.  Don’t you think you’d better turn it off?”

“No.”

“Well,” he said, “you ought to turn if off.  This is not the kind of thing you should watch.”  But she shook her head again indicating she wanted to watch it.  He stood there for three or four minutes, pleading with her, and, since she wouldn’t given in, he finally let her watch the program. (3)

Have you ever seen this go on?  If its exasperating as an adult to watch think about how exasperating that is for the child.

Boundaries create security - provide a healthy pattern for living life - demonstrate love.  Instruction - parents taking time to explain life to their children - instruction helps to make sense of the world - at the least, to know why the boundaries are there.  Without boundaries children feel unloved - unwanted - insecure.  They’re prone to rebel - to wander into all kinds of self-destructive behavior.  They become angry.  They experience - depression - anxiety - and a host of mental problems.

One of the major problems with our school system today is that the children are in charge.  Parents who have abdicated their responsibility to parent won’t back the teachers.  Boundaries become meaningless.  A huge problem in our society is families where the children are in charge.  Where rules - boundaries - are not applied with consistency - firmness - and love.  Children - who are ill prepared - are allowed by default to make moral decisions way beyond their ability.

Discipline and instruction - Paul writes - needs to be “of the Lord.”   Parents and children are under God’s authority.  Just as children are to obey their parents so that they will learn how to live Godly lives - parents are to discipline and instruct their children in how to live Godly lives.  That’s the goal of Godly parents:  Raise children who will live Godly lives - knowing Jesus as their Savior - living in obedience to God - testifying of Him.  So they will live long and prosper - God’s way.

Bottom line:  In obedience to God - children are to obey their parents.  In obedience to God - parents need to be discipline and instruct their children.  Its a crucial two way relationship in which fathers must take the lead.

I’d like to share two points of application - applying what Paul teaches to our lives today.  First:  The context children live in.  Say that with me, “The context children live in.”

Growing up is not an easy thing.  Those of us that are still growing up would you agree with that?  We all go through a process of discovering who we are and learning how to be who we are.  We need to learn the basic stuff of what life is all about and how we fit into it.  None of that is easy.

While the process and issues of growing up are the same for all of us - whether we were born in the early 1900’s or the early 2000’s - while the stuff we struggle with inside as we grow up is the same - what changes is the context.  What changes is the environment we grow up in.  When I was a kid smoke signals were big.  Now its text messaging.  Stuff of the heart is the same.  Context changes.  Are we together?

Fathers - parents - adults - but especially fathers - need to understand the context children - forget that - y’adults are growing up in.

Imagine your y’adult standing out here in the middle of Bear Creek.  Upstream they let out a massive flow of water.  Suddenly your teenager is swept away by a massive wall of water and crud - struggling to breath and stay afloat.  Hollywood - the media - the society around us - the context y’adults are living in - is like that flood - relentless - polluted - destructive.

Two Sunday’s ago Pastor Steve - the younger - had a meeting for the parents of the youth.  He shared from a book by Ron Luce - Battle Cry For A Generation (4) - a book I highly recommend.  Listen to some of what Ron Luce shares about the context y’adults are living in.

The average teenager takes in over 18,000 hours of television by the time they graduate from high school.  That’s 5,000 more hours than they spend in 12 years of classes.  Nearly 61% of all television programming contains violence.  Children’s programming is the most violent.  Every year a teenager absorbs nearly 15,000 sexual references - with less than 170 referring to abstinence, birth control, or sexually transmitted disease.  In other words sex - not like God defines sexuality - sex is okay - whenever - whatever.

70% of all prime-time programming depicts alcohol - tobacco - or illegal drug use.  Alcohol manufacturers spend $2 billion annually luring children to drink.  Get ’em hooked young and you’ve got ’em for life.  1/3 of teens have been drunk in the last month.  1/4 of teens use illegal drugs. 

42% of top-selling CDs contain sexual content that is “pretty explicit” or “very explicit.”  Most of the stuff blaring from boomboxes or coming out of iPods or the car stereo that’s rockin’ your car from the car next to yours - is pure porn.  But that’s what’s being played on campus - on buses - wherever. 

The internet has 300,000 plus porn sites - and then there’s MySpace which is suppose to be monitored.  One in five children ages 10 to 17 who regularly use the internet have been sexually solicited.  One in four was unwillingly exposed to porn.  90% of 8 to 16 year olds have viewed porn on line - most while doing homework.  The porn industry - by the way - targets 12 to 17 year old boys knowing that they’re most susceptible to life-time porn addiction.

Video games are full of swearing - sex - violence - gore - death.  Games with such value inspiring themes such as Grand Theft Auto, Doom, and Resident Evil.  Between TV, the internet, and video games - the average teenager spends as many as 35 to 55 hours per week in front of a screen.  Do you think that kind of media saturation has an effect on a teenager?  Big time.

The average age a child has sex for the first time is just under 16 years of age.  The average length of that first sexual relationship is slightly less than 4 months - that’s longer that some these celebrity idol types stay married.  1/4 of those first sexual experiences were one-night-stands.

Forget the statistics - those of you that are teachers - y’adults - you know this better than I do.  What motivates teenagers to dress like prostitutes - clothing - or lack of it - that advertises availability.  I’m not just talking about the girls.  Teenagers smooshed together at school - grabbing and pawing at each other.  Teenagers having sex on campus - right out in the open.

Why is that a rumor about weapons at Cruickshank can spark what was called “a large-scale disturbance”?  Does it have anything to do with children shooting kids on campuses?  Or the violence children are exposed to being lived out in real life?

We could go on and on like this - even talking about the long term effects - the cost down the road as a community - as lives of children are being  destroyed - lost - many for eternity.

Here’s the point about context.  What’s coming after our children is relentless.  Its organized.  Is well funded.  It is inspired and driven by Satan.  And it doesn’t matter if your child is home schooled or public schooled - the enemy’s tactics may change - but the goal is the same - to distract - to maim - to destroy - to lead your child and any other child away from God and if possible through the gates of hell.  That is the context that today’s upcoming generations are growing up in.

Second thought of application:  The challenge before us.   Say that with me, “The challenge before us.”  Two challenges.

The first challenge is for fathers.

In Josh McDowell’s book, The Dad Difference, he shares that the average teenager in a church spends only 2 minutes a day in meaningful dialogue with his dad.  25% of these teens say they’ve never had a meaningful conversation with their father - a talk centered on the teens' interests.  Fathers spend an average of only 38 seconds a day being totally attentive and 20 minutes being partially attentive to their children's needs.

I’m going out on a limb here.  Those of you that are y’adults can feel free to disagree with me on this.  Youth need adults - especially their parents - especially their fathers - to value them - to respect them - to hear them.

Father’s need to hear the hearts of their children.  How well do you know your children?  What do they fear?  What concerns them?  What struggles do they have?  What joys?  How are they surviving in today’s context?  What’s their favorite band?  TV program?  Sport?  Class at school?  Who are they hanging around with?  How do they feel about you as a dad?

If a father will first listen to the heart of a child then he gains access to that heart.  If a father will first honor and respect that child then he’ll be allowed to nurture that heart.  Dads, y’adults - children - are desperate for that kind of father who listens and seeks to understand them.

The second challenge is for us as a congregation.

Barna Research has found that “what you believe by the time you’re 13 is what you will die believing.” (5)  Most people who accept Jesus as their Savior do so by the age of 18.  How crucial is our relating to children? 

God is bringing increasing numbers of children and youth into this congregation’s sphere of ministry - many of whom do not have Christian parents - many of whom do not have Godly fathers - the vast majority of which are boys or young men.  There is a crucial need here - now.  Forget about when the new building is done.  Right now the need is crucial - and especially for men.

Last Sunday Carol Anderson led a Children’s Ministry Team meeting - Children’s ministry involves BGN - Children’s Worship - Sunday School - AWANA - and VBS.  Again there was a realization that we need help.  The same need exists in the ministry to youth.

I want to be very careful here in what I say.  I appreciate those who are ministering and serving the children and youth.  But Steve and Carol and those serving cannot do it alone.  While Satan’s youth group and children’s ministries are well funded - well staffed - and full of children and youth - we are desperate.  Time and time again an appeal has been made for workers to serve - we are still appealing - and the need is growing greater - the need to relate to children more crucial.  If we don’t influence these children someone else will.

There’s not one person in this congregation who cannot be a part of meeting this crucial challenge.  If that’s prayer.  Then pray.  Learn the names of children and asking them on Sunday how their doing.  Tell them you’re praying for them.  If that’s baking cookies and providing snacks.  Then bake cookies - preferably chocolate chip.  Come and play games.  Help with crafts.

We need men to hang out with boys and y’adults - to share life.  To provide instruction and discipline.  But mostly ears that will hear the heart. 

If you went up to Steve the younger or Carol and asked, “How can I help?” - Steve would have to reset his pacemaker - Carol might have a heart attack.  But, don’t let that hold you back.  What is before us is a challenge.  To respond to that challenge is nothing less than obedience to God.

The last point on your Sermon Notes is a statement:  I will respond by…  That’s where you get to pray and ask God how He wants you to respond to the challenge.  Maybe even make a step of commitment.  I will respond by asking Carol or Steve Y.  how I can serve. 

_______________________
1. James Dobson, Love Must Be Tough
2. Bob Horner, Ron Ralston, and David Sunde, Promise Keepers At Work
3. Ray Stedman, from the sermon “Parents And Children”
4. Ron Luce, Battle Cry For A Generation, Cook Communications Ministries, 2005
5. http://www.barna.org