Please turn with me to Exodus 20:12. This morning we’ve come to the fifth of the Ten Commandments.

As we’ve been going through these commandments we’ve been seeing that God loves us and opens up to us the opportunity to live in a covenant relationship with Him. The purpose of these commandments is to show us what it means to live in that relationship.

The first four commandments - what we’ve look at the last four Sundays - the first four commandments are foundational to our relationship with God.

Commandment number one: No other Gods - God saying to us, “Love Me.” Commandment number two: No Idols - God saying, “Serve Me.” Commandment number three: Don’t use God’s name in vain - God saying, “Respect Me.” Number four: Keep the Sabbath holy - God saying, “Rest in Me.”

These are what Jesus summarized by saying, “Love God with everything you are.” (Matthew 22:37)

The next six commandments - starting today with number 5 - the next six commandments are foundational to our relationship with people. How God’s people live in this world with others. What Jesus summarized by saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39)

If you’ve there at Exodus 20:12 - let’s read this out loud together and get it fresh in our minds. Exodus 20:12: Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5 and 6 year olds. After explaining this commandment, “Honor your father and your mother” - she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Walk with me through this commandment.

To “honor” is the Hebrew word “kabed.”

Imagine the kind of respect a new recruit has - just off the bus and in boot camp - imagine the respect that young boy has for his drill sergeant. Especially if that sergeant - the holder his life and death - if that sergeant is about 1 inch off his face - nose to nose - eyeball to eyeball - and barking at him at the top of his lungs. How many of you have been there?

“Kabed” is the place of authority over our lives that we give to others. “Kabed” means to lift up our parents - to give them a unique place of respect and dignity and influence over our lives.

There are a number of examples of this in Scripture.

Proverbs 20:20 and 30:11 tells us to honor our parents means that we speak well of them. We lift up their character and reputation before others. We bless them instead of cursing them.

Proverbs 19:26 says that honoring our parents means that we don’t physically abuse or reject our parents.

Proverbs 15:5 calls us to listen to our parents and respect their discipline and guidance and wisdom.

Proverbs 15:20 encourages us to do things that make our parents glad by not rebelling against their authority.

Colossians 3:20 tells us to obey our parents.

With honor comes God’s promise to live long and prosper.

Genesis 25:8 says that when Abraham was 175 years old, “He breathed his last and died in a ripe old age, an old man and satisfied with life…”

There’s a personal promise here - fullness of life - life worth living - quality not just quantity of years. Being able to look back on our lives with satisfaction - with no sense of loss or need to do more.

That promise extends downward through the generations. Being able to look down through the generations as our children - and their children’s children - learn to honor their parents. Living full and prosperous lives in the land God will bring them to.

Honor your father and your mother - live long and prosper.

As I’ve been thinking and praying about the fifth commandment there are two thoughts of application that have stuck in my mind that I’d like to share with you this morning.

The first thought of application is that HONOR TAKES PLACE BETWEEN GENERATIONS. Say that with me, “Honor takes place between generations.”

Not too long ago - at about 1:30 in the morning - three young boys broke into the church over by our house - came in through an access door - and did about $2,000 worth of serious damage. While they were in the church - some lights came on - and they ran off.

One of the reasons I know that that took place - is because at 2:00 in the morning - one of the boys hopped over our fence and was trying to escape through our yard.

If you run through our yard in the dark one of the first things you encounter is a waist high fence that this boy didn’t see until he’d plowed into it at full speed. The second thing you’d run into is our inflatable Costco pool - at least the ladder that was standing next to it. Which this boy got tangled up in.

And then there’s the pit. Have you seen those pits that they use to trap wild animals? I once told the kids that they could dig in this certain area in the backyard. Which they did. The kids dug this pit about 3 feet deep and about 2 feet wide by 5 feet long. This poor guy - after making it past the fence and the ladder - oh, and various toys strewn around the backyard - ends up landing in this pit.

I’m laying in bed listening to all this - oof - ouch - bang - aaahhh - and I’m thinking to myself that this doesn’t sound like an animal. So, I look out the back window and think I see someone hiding next to the apricot tree - when this guys cell phone goes off. Suddenly its daylight. There’s bells ringing. His friends are calling him to see if he got away.

I said to Karen, “I think there’s someone in our backyard. Call 911.”

What kind of home do kids grow up in - that kids think nothing of trashing God’s stuff - robbing God - disrespecting - dishonoring God? We see all around us the results of homes where God is not honored. Scripture and history show us that as the family goes, so goes the nation. Look around. The moral and spiritual condition of society is always the offspring of the family.

Its significant that the first command that deals with our relationships with each other is “honor your father and mother.” Honoring of God and each other is the glue that holds our covenant relationships together.

In the first part of Deuteronomy - as Israel is coming to the end 40 years of wandering in the wilderness - getting ready to enter the promised land - Moses is encouraging the people to put their trust in God - to respect Him - to honor Him. Moses reminds Israel that through all the wilderness wandering it was “the Lord your God [who] carried you, just as a father carries his son.” (Deuteronomy 1:31)

The covenant relationship between God and Israel was like the relationship of a father and a son. In the New Testament we’re taught to address God as our Father. That picture - that relationship - is by design.

Children learn how to honor God as they watch their parents honor God. They learn to trust God and love God and serve God and to keep His commandments as they watch their parents trusting God - loving God - serving God - keeping His commandments.

Children learn honor as they watch us honor our parents. In the family where parents are honored - children learn how to honor each other - to respect others - family - extended family - neighbors - to give authority to others - police - government - to take responsibility within the family and our community. The people who are emotionally balanced and mature are those who’ve learned to rightly relate to authority.

In Ezekiel chapter 22 God says of his people: “They have treated father and mother lightly - you haven’t taken seriously the command to honor your father and mother - I will scatter you among the nations and I will disperse you through the lands, and I will consume your uncleanness from you.” The Hebrew captivity - exile - Diaspora come as God’s people fail to keep the fifth commandment. (Ezekiel 22:7,15)

Don’t we want to live long and prosper where God puts us? We want to see God’s blessing passed down through our children to our children’s children. Don’t we? We want our kids to grow up respecting God and others. Honor that transcends generations. It begins by keeping this commandment: Honor your father and your mother.

Second thought of application: HONOR IS A CHOICE. Say that with me, “Honor is a choice.”

Its significant that this commandment is directed at children. God could have directed it at parents: “Parents be understanding and loving and thoughtful towards your children.” But the commandment is for us as children.

That’s difficult. Something we need to approach with great sensitivity.

The reality is that most of us did not grow up in a “Leave It To Beaver” kind of home. Do you remember the Cleavers? June always mending or baking - always dressed so nice with perfect hair. Ward - the understanding strong father figure - even tempered - offering pearls of great wisdom. Having a brother like Wally - athletic - a good student - a sharp dresser. The Beave - always into a little mischief. Grounded maybe. But never really clobbered by Dad.

Too often - people grow up in homes with people like Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne.

Without raising your hands - because I’m asking these questions to help us think through this together - not to make us uncomfortable. I’m asking to help us deal with reality.

How many here have grown up in homes where your parents failed? Where approval was out of your reach? Favoritism was shown? You walked through emotional minefields? There was physical and emotional abuse. For you the residue of childhood includes anger and fear and difficulty trusting people - let alone God? Honoring your parents is the farthest thing from your mind.

Please hear this. We don’t choose our parents or the environment we grow up in. But we can choose how to respond to them. God gives us a choice - we can be bound by the past or we can move forward into God’s future.

Paul writes in Philippians 3:13: “Dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” (NLT)

One paraphrase puts it this way, “I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” (The Message)

Let me be clear on this. There are times when legal issues - legal recourse - needs to be pursued. There are times when for our own sake - as well as the well being of others - that confrontation needs to take place. There are times when the struggles and issues that result from abuse need to be worked through with a competent - wise - Godly - counselor.

But true healing comes from God. In Scripture there is a Biblical pattern for healing - for letting go of what was and running forward to God’s future.

That pattern begins with honesty about ourselves and what’s happened - honesty before God.

Paul writes to the Ephesians Church - Ephesians 1:4-6. Writing about our relationship with God - the Father - Paul writes, “Long before He - God - laid down earth’s foundations, He had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love, to be made whole and holy by His love. Long, long ago He decided to adopt us into His family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure He took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son.” (Ephesians 1:4-6 - The Message)

Let’s be honest. We need adoption. We need God’s love - His forgiveness. We need to come to the point where we’re honest about our struggles and emptiness and brokenness. We need to open ourselves to God - who’s the only one who can bring true healing and restoration to our lives.

God - who knows all the deep stuff - the issues - the failures - the sins - the hurts - sees in you - in each of us - a person of such great value - worth - dignity - honor - a person created in His own image - that God has chosen to adopt you. As we come to trust Jesus as our Savior - God adopts us into His own family.

We have choice - keep living with the Osbournes or live with God. Which one do you choose?

If this is true of your heart - say this with me, “I choose adoption.”

God’s adopted kids live in a different family. We can keep running towards God - to focus on Him and experience all that He has for us. That’s exciting.

The second step of Biblical healing involves forgiveness.

Scripture instructs parents to teach - by example - to teach their children what a relationship with God is all about - to encourage their children to be all that God has called them to be - to guide their children - to help them see themselves as loving persons of significance and worth and value and dignity. (Deuteronomy 6:6,7; Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4)

Too many parents today have opted out of that responsibility. They have removed themselves from being worthy of honor.

We have a right to be angry at our parents - to judge them - to hold them accountable for what they’ve done to us. They should admit what they did. They need to pay for what they did. Many - even here - are holding on to - are carrying around - all that hatred and anger balled up deep within.

Jesus said, “For if you forgive other people their failures, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you will not forgive other people, neither will your Heavenly Father forgive you your failures.” (Matthew 6:14,15 Philllips)

What Jesus is saying is that, if we really understand - if we’re honest about - how God has dealt with the real issues in our lives - forgiveness of our sins - and how God is working healing in us in ways that we could never achieve on our own - then we need to trust God to work in others as well. Because we’re forgiven we can forgive.

Forgiveness involves setting aside our prerogative to hold others accountable for how they’ve wronged us - and to allow God to deal with them as He has dealt with us.

Do you see how that’s freeing?

As God’s adopted children - we don’t need to hang on to the past - we can live in God’s future. We don’t need to carry around with us the burden of holding our parents accountable. Choosing to forgive sets all that aside. Let God hold others accountable.

Honoring parents does not mean that we have to have warm fuzzy feelings and happy memories of camp outs and meal times together - Kodak moments. Honoring is a choice to acknowledge who are parents are. Perhaps to honor them with forgiveness and then to move on.

If you have Godly parents - if you’re sitting there saying to yourself, “I have no clue how this relates to me” - praise God and thank your parents. Honor them. Follow their example as you raise your children - grandchildren.

If you’re a parent in need of forgiveness - know that God forgives those who honestly ask for His forgiveness. Maybe you need to talk to God about what’s gone on. Maybe you need to talk to your kids. God can heal you. God can heal your kids.

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Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright© 1960,1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.  Used by permission.