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| THE GREEN GREEN GRASS OF HOME EXODUS 20:14 Series: The Covenant - Part Seven Pastor Stephen Muncherian November 7, 2004 |
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This morning we’ve come to the seventh commandment - Exodus 20:14 - which says, “You shall not commit adultery” Let’s try that together. “You shall not commit adultery” In order to help us start thinking together about this commandment I’d like to read a letter written to “Dear Abby.” Dear Abby, How about a letter from a “winner?” My married lover left his wife for me. I was told that I wasn’t breaking up anything; his marriage was dead long before he met me; his wife had gotten fat. I was married too, but I assured him that my marriage was also over; my husband had gotten dull and boring. So I divorced my boring husband and he divorced his chubby wife. Oh, yes, we both had children, but we explained that we were both in love and when they were older they would understand. Our marriage was a dream come true. No more lying and sneaking around. At long last we were legally man and wife for all the world to see. Our apartment was filled with modern furniture and old fashioned guilt, and plenty of doubt and mistrust. Two years later he was meeting someone new. I told him he was a liar and a cheat. He said it took one to know one. And by the way, he had gotten dull and boring, and I had put on a little weight. Signed: A Winner (1) Have you heard this: “The grass is always greener - where? - on the other side of the fence. But it still has to be mowed.” Adultery - as the Bible defines adultery - is the act by which a married man or women becomes sexually involved with a member of the opposite - or same sex - outside of marriage. The people who take surveys have found that about one-third of men in the United States and about one-quarter of women will admit to having had at least one extramarital sexual experience. (2) Those numbers seem to be pretty consistent for those within the church as well. Today there are numerous web sites that give instruction - useful information - helpful hints - on how to have an affair. There are a number of online services that can help us connect with someone to have an affair with. Cyber-sex - virtual adultery - is just a click away. As someone said, “We just clicked.” Dr. Alvin Cooper - a staff psychologist at Stanford University - conducted a survey of online sexual activity and found that nearly one in ten of those who said they were married or in committed relationships were also having secret relationships with someone online. (3) The reasons people commit adultery are varied. But - for the most part - adulterers are trying to meet legitimate needs in an illegitimate way. They’re seeking affection - adventure - longing to be touched - held - kissed - to be valued. A sentimental unexpected gift once in a while. Someone to share experiences with - stories - games - including sexual games. A loving friend who won’t judge them. Now and then a way out from under what has become predictable - dreary - difficult. Trying to meet legitimate needs in an illegitimate way. Dr. Tom McGuiness - a counseling psychologist in New Jersey - says this - if these are the reasons extra-marital affairs occur - “couldn’t we guard against them by seeking to meet our mates’ deepest needs for affection, security, friendship, and sexual fulfillment? Maybe the best prevention for an affair outside marriage is to plan one with the man or woman we’re married to!” (4) Deuteronomy 22:22 says: “If a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from Israel.” (Leviticus 20:10; see also Deuteronomy 22-25). In Scripture - the punishment for adultery was death. Chuck Swindoll, in his book The Finishing Touch - gives a list of some sobering consequences of adultery for today. A list that’s worth thinking about and remembering. Listen to these consequences. No amount of repentance will soften those blows. Their growth, innocence, trust, and healthy outlook on life will be severely and permanently damaged. This will remain indelibly etched on your life’s record, regardless of your later return to your senses. Put simply: Given the consequences of adultery, death might sound good. In prayerfully thinking through the seventh commandment for ourselves today - there are three truths of application that I’d like to share with you. First: When God says, “You shall not commit adultery” - He’s talking about our commitment to the sanctity of marriage. Marriage is to be protected - cherished - nurtured. Never violated. Put positively: “You shall be committed to marriage.” Especially today - when marriage is being attacked - its crucial for us to be reminded of and committed to the uniqueness and goodness and worth of marriage as God has designed it to be. Genesis 2:18-24 contains some of the most powerful statements about what God has designed marriage to be. Do you remember these? God speaks - Genesis 2:18: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.” “The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then God took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:21-22) Adam speaking: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23) The Hebrew word for man is “ish.” The word for woman is “isshah” - the feminine form of “ish” Adam called the woman by his own name - identified her as the corresponding female version of himself. God brings the two together into the covenant of marriage. Genesis 2:24 - “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:24,25) There’s nothing that keeps Adam and Eve from oneness. “Leave and cleave” - there’s no in-laws. There’s nothing between them - no shame of sin to keep them from total openness with each other. It’s God’s ideal for marriage - the ideal partnership - a depth of relationship - oneness - knowing and being known - that we all crave. Marriage initiated and brought together by God unites two people on every level - physical - mental - spiritual. The sexual energy of that union - bringing us together in oneness is powerful. Sex is powerful. If it wasn’t, none of us would be here. God could have designed us as a silicon based life form. We might grow and grow until the next generation just sort of breaks off. Sex is more than just a physical act that initiates reproduction. Sex is never trivial - recreational - casual - a one night stand - just a physical act. Sex joins us with the other person. If we’re Christians - Scripture tells us - that the Spirit is present with us in that sexual relationship. (1 Corinthians 6:1-20) God designed sex to be powerful - power with purpose - with great potential. Sex brings us together - uniting mind - body - soul - in a profound oneness. In Scripture God uses the covenant of marriage to illustrate His covenant relationship - His oneness with His people - a relationship that for us begins with the extent and depth of God’s love offered through the death of Jesus on the cross. God knowing us - all that we are - as if we’re naked before Him - nothing hidden. God committing Himself to us - to love us - even dying for us. Through marriage God desires for us to experience that Christ-like depth of love and commitment to each other - to experience His love poured out into our relationship with our spouse. To compellingly demonstrate to the world around us what is possible in a covenant relationship with God - the oneness of marriage that He enables. God gives us our sexuality to express - in marriage - the deep oneness of that relationship. Sex is a good thing. But, when we reject our commitment to marriage - commit the sin of adultery - we reject all that God offers us - even the testimony of God’s love in Jesus. Adultery destroys the oneness of marriage. “You shall not commit adultery” is a challenge for us to renew our commitment to marriage and the pursuit of all that God offers us in marriage. Second thought of application. When God says, “You shall not commit adultery” - He’s talking to adulterers. If you would - please turn with me to Matthew 5 - starting at verse 27. Jesus - in the Sermon on the Mount - Jesus is teaching on the seventh commandment. Do you remember His words? Look at these with me. Jesus teaching, “You have heard that it was said - the religious tradition and laws that you’ve been taught - what you’ve heard - is - You shall not commit adultery - but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The people were saying, “I haven’t cheated. I’m not guilty of breaking the commandment.” We might be tempted to think the same thing today. But what’s Jesus talking about? The character of our heart. The deep stuff inside that shapes our thoughts and actions. Jesus is not teaching about momentary thoughts about sex. He’s not talking about seeing a person walking by and turning our heads to look. He’s not speaking about the temptation to think lustfully. He’s talking about how we respond to those temptations. A couple of weeks ago - one of those mornings when we were having a lot of rain - I was taking Nicholas to school. We were on Childs Avenue - over by the fairgrounds - just as it comes to 59. With all the rain - Childs - was covered with water. I had a moment of decision - keep going - or turn around and go another way. I could see it was pretty deep. Turning around would have been the wise thing to do. But, I’m a guy. So - I kept going. “We can make this.” I sensed we were in trouble when we passed a car that was stalled - just kind of floating on the side of Lake Childs. I could have turned back. But the challenge was there. Turning around meant admitting failure. The water started coming up over the hood - spraying over the hood. I’m thinking to myself, “You know we might not make this.” I'm talking to the van, “Come on baby. You can make it baby. Just a little bit more.” When the van stalled the water was up over the door. I know that because when I opened the door the water started pouring in. There we were - right in the middle of Lake Childs - listening to the gentle lapping of water on the sides of the van. And I’m thinking, “What kind of idiot would do something like this?” Have you been there? We’re bombarded with temptation all day long. What Jesus talking about is our response - our choice - the decision to give that temptation its way in our mind. To click here. To fix on a person and fantasize about them. What would it be like to be in a physical relationship with them. To replay the scenarios over and over again in our minds. The lustful experiences of being with someone who isn’t our husband or wife - perhaps the husband or wife of another. Jesus goes on - Matthew 5:29: “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Jesus gives us this teaching because all of us struggle with this. We need to learn to make different choices. To choose to cut off the sources of temptation. Get the internet filter. Stop the subscription. Don’t go there. Leave behind those people. Change jobs. Do whatever it takes. Guard your heart. Put up boundaries. Failure is not an option. Choose to cut off the sources of temptation before we have to ask ourselves, “What kind of an idiot would do something like this?” Have you been there? Be honest. We’ve all broken the seventh commandment - even in thought. Let’s allow Jesus to bring us all to humility about this - to show us our hearts. To teach us to choose differently. Third thought of application: When God says, “You shall not commit adultery” - He’s talking about forgiveness and healing. There are few things in life - death - divorce - abuse - aside from these there’s probably nothing more devastating than to be on the receiving end of adultery. There are few things in life - so guilt ridden and self-destructive as being an adulterer. So we need to approach this with humility and great sensitivity. Do you remember the scene recorded in John 8? Early in the morning Jesus comes to the Temple. He begins to teach the crowd that’s gathered there to hear Him teach. The Pharisees drag in this woman - caught in the act of adultery. Do you remember this? It’s a set-up. They knew where to find her and when. The fact that its morning - they probably had been watching this adultery go on for some time. We have to wonder where their minds were at - vicariously participating in sin and judging others for it. They drag this woman - probably naked - to the very center of the court of God’s Temple and with dripping hypocrisy remind Jesus of the seventh commandment - and the legal requirement of death. The response of Jesus is powerful. It confronts the unrepentant pride of the Pharisees and touches the pain of the adulterer’s heart. “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7) The Pharisees leave. Jesus and this woman are alone - at center court. A frozen moment in time. There were probably crowds still there - noise and confusion. But the scene focuses only on Jesus and this woman. “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” She’s come to call upon Jesus as her Lord. Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.” We need to get our eyes off of what we struggle with - the Pharisees and the crowds and the temptations and sins and the guilt - to get eyes off of what we struggle with and onto Jesus and what God offers us through Him. “No one, Lord.” Healing comes from Him. From the Lord. David - perhaps the most famous adulterer in history - is called a man after God’s heart. Rahab - the prostitute - owner of brothel - is given a place of honor in the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah. The Bible - from cover to cover - is a testimony of sin - and of the redemptive - healing - restoring work of God. I don’t know your past - the choices you’ve made - the guilt you may carry - or the burdens you bear. I don’t know the difficulty of your present experience - what choices you’re making - or the pain you feel and the struggles you have. But, I do know this - God stands ready to forgive and to give the strength to forgive. His desire is to heal you - your marriage - your relationship with Him. Your past may be reprehensible. Your present may be a disaster. But that doesn’t mean that you’re beyond where God can work. You can begin making choices today that will allow God to heal and shape your sexuality - to be the powerful means of blessing that He has design it to be. “You shall not commit adultery” God speaks these words about the sanctity of marriage to adulterers and offers all of us forgiveness and healing and the choice of something so much better.
________________ 1. Steve Zeisler - from his sermon, Commitment
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