If we have not met, I am Steve Muncherian, one of the Elders here at Green Hills and it is my privilege to share God’s word with us this morning.  Some day that might be in Korean.  For today, the slides are in Korean – there’s translation devices available – and by God’s grace we will get through this together.

We are moving forward in our series exploring God and Our Emotions.  Today we are looking at what God’s word tells us about shame.

Ethnically I am Armenian.  Armenia is in western Asia.  Asia is a big continent – there are a lot of miles between Armenia and Korea – but it’s still in Asia.  Not only do we share a continent, but in some ways both our cultures are similar when it comes to shame.

See if this sounds familiar…

As an Armenian we grow up knowing that what we say – what we do – the grades we earn – the school we go to – the career we have – who we marry – whether we speak Armenian or not or like Armenian food – what part of the diaspora we’re from – that our actions effect our reputation – our honor – and the reputation and honor of our family – our nation – for generations – even across oceans.

We grow up being taught to remember our roots – those who’ve gone before and what they sacrificed for us.  To never disgrace the family.  Honor is huge.

Does that sound kind of familiar?

Whether we’re Armenian or Korean – most of us hear so many voices – speaking to our hearts and echoing in our minds. The voice of our parents, family, close friends, teachers, our community, maybe a spouse, and even our own voice. Voices telling us that we cannot fail at being what is expected of us.

Maybe you were fortunate enough to grow up with many of these voices speaking positively – what produced a strong sense of security in who you are and who God has created you to be.

But the reality is – many of us didn’t have that experience. Growing up my parents would let me know – in shaming ways – sometimes in just how they looked at me - I knew that I’d failed.

The reality is that most of us carry deep inside of us voices from our past – parents – others – people that have condemned or criticized or humiliated us.  Maybe we’re not sure if it’s their voices or your own voice. 

Deep inside we’re hearing it: “You’re not good enough!  You’re a failure.  You’re flawed and damaged goods.”

That’s what shame can sound like echoing deep in our souls – messing with our emotions and our actions and our relationship with others – sometimes without us really knowing or being able to put words to it.

Shame messes with us because we want to fit in and to do things well and to be successful and to be thought of well and to live up to all those expectations – to live lives that are honorable and respectable

There are two questions we want to focus on this morning to guide us through this emotion of shame. 1) WHY do we feel shame? And 2) HOW do we stop feeling it?  How do we silence the shame?  

But before we get to the “why” and the “how” we need to be clear on the “what”.  So here is our definition of what shame is: SHAME is a deep sense of being flawed, unacceptable, or unlovable. 

Let’s be careful.  An emotion that’s related to shame, is guilt.  Guilt meaning we do something – we mess up – or we think something – that we know is wrong – that may embarrass us – and we feel guilty about it. 

The difference between guilt and shame is that when that guilt sinks deeper within us and sticks within us it begins to mess with how think about ourselves – who we think we are – and that’s shame.

Another way to understand that is that guilt says, “I did something bad.”  Shame says, “I AM something bad.” 

Answering question #1: Why do we feel shame?

All of us – maybe they’re at different volume levels – but all of us have those voices telling us that we can never do enough – be good enough – there is no way to fully redeem our honor.  Shame makes us feel so deeply flawed that we see ourselves as BEING hopelessly without honor – flawed – unlovable.  That’s just who we are.

Together?

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This morning – to help us press into why we feel shame – and how do we stop feeling it?  How we silence the shame?  We’re going to dive into John 4 – what is probably a familiar account – “The Woman at the Well.”  If you want to tap, turn, or swipe there – we’ll be starting at verse 3.

Some brief background to where we are.  Jesus is doing ministry in the south – in Jerusalem and Judea.  Jesus’ ministry is growing and with that growth He’s getting more opposition – especially from the Pharisees.

Jesus knowing that the time has not yet come for Him to square off with the Pharisees.  What comes later in the week leading to His crucifixion.  Jesus chooses to head north.

Let’s jump into the text.  We are at John 4 – starting at verse 3:  He [Jesus] left Judea and departed again for Galilee.  And He had to pass through Samaria.  So He came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the field that Jacob had given to his son Joseph.  Jacob’s well was there; so Jesus, wearied as He was from His journey, was sitting beside the well.  It was about the sixth hour.

Let’s pause there.

It is important for us to understand that the route north that Jesus takes is very unusual for a Jew. 

The direct route north from Jerusalem to Galilee – which is the purple arrow there – is about a 70 mile route that went through Samaria and would take about 2 1/2 days walk. 

But the Jews instead opted for the longer route – which is the pinkish arrow there.  That route went down to the Jordan River and up the valley into Galilee.  Which was a hotter – decidedly more uncomfortable – are we there yet? – route that was about twice as long as the easier direct route.

The reason the Jews took the longer route we know is because the Jews... despised the Samaritans.  To the Jews, the Samaritans were untouchable idolatrous half-breed mongrels that were morally depraved and messed up religiously.

The reason behind all that – briefly – the history behind all that animosity is that when most of the Jews were exiled into Assyria – in 722 BC – a small remnant of Jews remained in the northern territory – think Samaria.  Those remaining Jews intermarried with Gentiles that were brought in from other countries.  Meaning mixed marriages – mixed religions – mixed cultures – mixed morals.

Meaning that when the other Jews returned from exile in Assyria they had issues with the Jews that had remained. 

Point being what’s behind those two routes is a deep seated – multigenerational – hugely dishonorable – shame.  Jews – especially the most godly of all Jews, the Pharisees – would never set foot in Samaria – let alone actually talk with “one of those.”

And then – notice that in the midst of John’s point about routes, John tells us – verse 4 – that Jesus “had to pass through Samaria.”  It would be easy to almost miss that emphasis on need.  But that “had to” is huge.

The Greek verb has the idea of “it was necessary.”  While others “had to” avoid Samaria to avoid contamination with shameful people – Jesus “had to” go there.  To choose the wrong route for the right reasons. 

Then John calls our attention to the place where Jesus stopped. 

Where Jesus chooses to stop is the land that Jacob – who’s later renamed “Israel” by God – Jacob the revered honored patriarch of the Hebrews – Jacob purchased this land that he gave as an inheritance to his sons.  Near here is where Joseph’s bones were buried after they were brought up out of Egypt during the Exodus. 

About 1/2 mile west of the village of Sychar is where Jacob dug a well for his flocks and herds.  The well of Jacob – where Jesus chooses to stop – is at the foot of Mount Gerizim the very center of Samaritan worship.

This well is significant historically and spiritually to both the Jews and the Samaritans.

Finally – in setting the setting for us – John calls our attention to the timing of when all this took place. 

Verse 6 - “It was about the sixth hour.”  Meaning it was about 12 o’clock noon.  Midday.  Which becomes significant as we’re introduced to the woman who comes to the well.

Bottom line: In processing the setting we need to see Jesus being very intentional in where He’s come to and stopped with His disciples and when He’s chosen to stop there.

Let’s go on at verse 7 – reading through this conversation that takes place between Jesus and the woman who comes to the well – and we’ll make some observations along the way.

Verse 7: A woman from Samaria came to draw water.  Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.”  (For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food).  The Samaritan woman said to Him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?”  (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)

Notice that this woman makes the 1/2 mile trip out from Sychar to the well – at just about the full on blazing hottest sunlight part of the day.  Meaning this is not the usual time to be hauling heavy jars of water around.  Other women would have come earlier in the cool of the morning or later when the day is cooling off.  And they’d come together.  It’s a social event.  But not this woman.  

Point being she’s there alone and that’s not an accident.  She is an outcast either choosing to be alone or made to be alone. 

John also tells us that the disciples have gone into town to get lunch.  Which means that Jesus has set this up so that this alone woman coming to the well is going to meet a strange man not a group of strange men.  Way less intimidating. 

Jesus initiates the conversation.  He asks her for water – not out of arrogance – or as a command.  The New Living paraphrase translates this as “Please give me a drink.”  Which is closer to the feeling of how Jesus said what Jesus said.  Jesus treating her with mutual respect – kindness – honor not shame. 

Her response helps us to begin understanding how she saw herself.  She’s shocked.  As a Jew – there’s no way He should have spoken to this Samaritan.  And Jesus – especially as a rabbi – rabbis never spoke with women in public – not even your own wife or sister.

The tone of her question is something like: “What are You doing asking me for a drink?  I am so far beneath you – as a Samaritan – as a woman.  You can’t toss barriers like that aside.”

Let’s go on – verse 10: Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and Who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”  The woman said to Him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep.  Where do you get that living water?  Are you greater than our father Jacob?  He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.”

The emphasis in Greek is on the “living” part of that water. 

“If you only knew who you were talking to you’d be asking Me for a drink and I’d have given you living water.” 

Even today in Israel in describing the source of water – living water comes from streams – it bubbles – it’s alive.  Still water comes from wells.

In the area of Samaria where they’re at – there are no rivers – no major water supply.  Either you’ve go a well or you’ve got a drought. 

“Where do you get that living water?” is a legit question.  How does a person get running water from a well with still water.  There’s curiosity in that.  But she’s still pushing back. 

The well Jacob dug was about 60 feet deep.  Jesus has got no rope – no bucket.

“Gift of God?  Living water?  Are you greater than Jacob – offering me something greater than he did?   Who do you think you are?”

Verse 13:  Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.  The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”

Jesus uses her question and takes the conversation deeper – to the unquenchable thirst that’s deep within her.  “It’s not physical water I’m talking about.  It’s water that will satisfy your deepest needs.  Drink this and you’ll never be thirsty again.”

Her response – again is qualified. 

“Every day – at the worst part of the day – I have to draw water from this well because I’m thirsty.  Let’s just forget about why that is.  Just give me the water.  Just fix my problem without messing with anything deeper.”

Verse 16: Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”  The woman answered Him, “I have no husband.”

Jesus cuts through to her heart with a seemingly innocent request: “Go, call your husband.”

Which is Jesus taking this conversation to a deeper level – to where He’s been aiming at all along – to the pain and shame in her life.  What drives her evasive – defensive – answers.  Why she’s come alone to the well at the worst part of the day.  Bottom line:  How she has come to see herself.

And again she tries to change the subject.  “Nope.  No husband.  You wasted your turn.  Next subject.”

Going on in verse 17:  Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.  What you have said is true.”

“True” meaning Jesus knows all about this women’s history. 

We don’t know if she was promiscuous – trying to satisfy her deep legitimate needs by illegitimate means.  Was she widowed this many times and seen as being cursed?  Was she divorced by her husbands because she was a “bad” wife?  Maybe she couldn’t cook very good.  Was she mistreated and abused by these men?

Sometimes shame comes from other’s actions toward us.  If our dad had a bad reputation or our family was poor and we were made fun of or our parents or teachers called us stupid or worthless.  Maybe we’ve stood up for the right thing and others disapproved.  Maybe we’ve made choices that kept us following after God but isolated us from others.  All that is very damaging but not our fault.

Sometimes shame comes from our own actions.  Along the way, most of us make some really messed up choices. 

Maybe one or both of those was true for this woman. 

We’re not told why she had 5 husbands and is living with number 6 – what she did or what was done to her.  But all that had become a part of who she saw herself to be.  The “WHY” of the burden of shame that she carried with her – the thirst she could not satisfy. 

And Jesus knew.  He knew everything about her – the “why” – even  before she said a word. 

But let’s be careful.  Notice that Jesus – in step-by-step taking this conversation to where this woman is really hurting – Jesus isn’t condemning or shaming this woman.  He’s not pointing out her moral failure – exploiting her sin.  He’s just stating truth.  Let’s just deal with reality.

In fact, Jesus even commends her for her honesty.  “You are right in saying…true.”

Verse 19: The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet.  Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship

The Samaritans worshiped on Mount Gerizim – near where this well is.  The Jews worshiped in Jerusalem at the… Temple.  So the God approved location to worship was a generations long – ethnically fueled – religiously controversial – hotly debated point of division between the Samaritans and Jews.

Grab that this woman still isn’t ready yet to go where Jesus is going.  But, she’s hooked.  “You are a prophet.”

But, talking about husbands is too close to home – literally.  So she’s throwing down controversy to slow Jesus down. 

Verse 21: Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father.  You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews.  But the hour is coming, and now is here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him.  God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

Jesus – focused – Jesus uses her controversial question to bring her back on topic.  He is so on task for why He “had to” come to Sychar. 

The earthly location of worship is not what’s most important.  The object of worship is all about heaven – not Samaria or Jerusalem.  This incredible historical spot is not what’s most important.  The quality of worship – and notice how He comes back to her heart – her spiritual need – the quality of worship is in spirit and truth. 

What’s going on in your heart is what’s most important.

In verse 25 she tries one more time to not go there – to not have to deal with the issue: “The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ).  When He comes, He will tell us all things.”

The Samaritans expected the Messiah to be more like Moses.  Someone who declared God’s truth and explained what God was talking about.

Her response is something like: “Who can really know about things like that?  Until the Messiah actually comes we’re not going to know the answer to that question.  I guess we’ll just have to move on.”

Verse 26 is the bottom line – where Jesus has been going in this conversation since before He left Jerusalem – what this whole conversation comes down to: “Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am He.”

The Greek is even more emphatic.  Not to get lost in a word study.  But the Greek sentence puts the verb first.  The emphasis is on the “I am” part.  “I am the one speaking to you.”

It’s the same words that the Greek Old Testament uses to translate God’s self-disclosure to Moses.  “I am who I am.”  (Exodus 3:14).

Jesus bypassing all the distractions – all the deflections – all the defenses – to lay out the ultimate truth she needs to hear.  “Your wait is over.  I am the Messiah.”

And she gets it.  Jesus is claiming to be God.

God who has treated this women – not as an object like so many men have seen her – not as she sees herself – not with disgust – but with genuine concern – with kindness and respect and dignity and compassion. 

God who has intentionally “had to” come to this deeply needy – knowing her failure – shamed by Jews and Samaritans – woman to offer her living water – life. 

Jesus is the answer to her deepest need.  To our deepest need in the midst of our shame.

Are we together?

Verse 27:  Just then His disciples came back.  They marveled that He was talking with a woman, but no one said, “What do you seek?” or, “Why are you talking with her?” 

When the disciples got back – seeing what Jesus was doing – they’re mind blown speechless. 

Verse 28: So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to the people, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did.  Can this be the Christ?”  They went out of the town and were coming to Him.

The way verse 29 reads – “Can this be the Christ?” in Greek it’s actually a rhetorical question.  Meaning the way she asks the question – and with the evidence she gives – it lets us know that she’s already made up her mind: “I believe He is the Christ.” 

The woman forgets about getting water from the well.  She leaves her pot.  She heads back into town and starts talking to the people who had shamed her.  With all that shaming no longer binding her, she tells them about Jesus.  Her testimony – maybe even her changed attitude – moves the town to seek out Jesus.

Bottom line – we need to hang onto this: Jesus knew everything about this woman before she even said a word.  And Jesus – rather than condemning this woman – He’s actually come there for this woman.  He leans in – graciously - compassionately.  He makes Himself known to her.  He’s the Messiah.  He extends His life to her.

And for the Samaritan women – when she realized this – it was liberating.  Her life was transformed by meeting Jesus.  She’s found a new identity in Jesus – being forgiven – loved – chosen.  She tells her village and many come out and they believe in Jesus. 

Processing all that for ourselves - here’s what we need to hear: Jesus knows and He’s still near.

Jesus knows our painful past.  He knows our deepest wounds.  He knows the shame that we carry around every day – trying to keep it hidden – trying to put on a good face.  He knows about our childhood or our struggles in school.  He knows about our failed relationships and parenting horrors.  He knows what makes us feel most insecure.  He knows our every burden and what weights us down like a 500-pound backpack.  He knows it all and He’s still near to you.

The most extreme mind blowing example of that is Jesus – knowing everything there is to know about us – Jesus enters into the flesh and blood and brokenness of our humanity to die on a cross – shamefully – in our place – to redeem us from the shame of our sin against Him.

We need to hear this.  Please hear this.  Jesus doesn’t pull away from you.  He doesn’t think you’re too dirty or too far gone or a waste of time.  He’s right there saying, “I know you, and look Who I am.  I’m the promised Deliverer you’re waiting for.”

So hold onto this – whatever anyone else may say – whatever you may think of yourself today – you are created by God and He loves you.  Through Christ’s work on the cross God has dealt with your shame and He calls you to new life – a redeemed from shame life – new identity life – in Christ.

Maybe you’ve never received the new life – the new identity that Jesus offers you.  That might be because of what’s entrenched itself in your heart – the shame that you feel – maybe you see all that as barriers between you and God. 

Or maybe this morning you know the truth about Jesus and you’ve trusted Him to free you from the shame of your past – but it’s just not happening.  You’re still stuck in shame and wondering why do I still struggle with this?

You and God know where you’re at.

But whatever barriers you see or burdens you bear, Jesus has come near to you to break down the barriers and take away those burdens – by dying on the cross and raising from the dead – to give you new life – living water to quench your thirst.

Which brings us to our second question: How do we stop feeling shame?

And the answer is… It takes time.  It takes aligning our emotions – what we feel – with the spiritual reality of what Jesus has done and already accomplished for us.  God’s answer to the question is not a quick fix – patch job – just give me the water – solution.

Being honest, we’re pretty good and hanging on to our shame and throwing up obstacles that keep us living there.  We’re used to hiding and pulling away from people.  We’re good at covering up and trying to convince people that we’re good enough.  Even though inside we’re dying.

And the American culture we live in doesn’t help.  On one hand we’re told we should never shame people – that we need to respect what others think and feel.  On the other hand shaming has been weaponized by our cancel culture to take anyone out who doesn’t agree with us.

That all can keep us stuck in shame.

How do we stop feeling shame?

We need to listen to the right voices.

Priority one is to listen to God.

God’s word is clear about who we are – forgiven – chosen – free.  We need to prioritize listening to God and to find our identity in what God says about us.

And – second – we need to be listening to God’s people.  God has put the Body of Christ – the Church – Green Hills – in place to make His truth more tangible in our lives.

Jesus – God – says what’s true about us so we can speak His truth into each other.

We’ve been given and incredible opportunity to help bring people out of their shame by speaking into them the truth and life of Jesus.  If we’ve got voices around us beating us down into shame we need other voices to lovingly and graciously keep building us up in Jesus.

Look at Romans 12:9,10: “Let love be genuine.  Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.  Love one another with brotherly affection.  Outdo one another in showing honor.”

We have an opportunity to outdo one another in showing honor.  It’s a competition!  Let the honoring begin.

Imagine if Green Hills was known in the greater La Habra metroplex as a church where people built up and honored each other.  What a testimony of the Gospel and new life in Christ.  Yes?

Last thought – very practical.

Who can you build up and honor this week?

Maybe a family member who’s stuck in shame.  Or someone at work?  Or someone here at Green Hills.

With all the toxic voices that harm us we can silence the shame and bring the voice of Jesus to others – we are known and He is near.

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*This sermon is part 5 of the God & Our Emotions series preached at Green Hills Baptist Church of La Habra.  This sermon was originally preached in English by Pastor Jared Higgins on May 12, 2024.  The text of Pastor Jared’s sermon was liberally borrowed from, with his permission, in order to prepare this sermon to be shared with the Korean Ministry of Green Hills Church.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®  (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.  Used by permission.  All rights reserved.